Cheek to cheek

Everyday is a battle for Ryan.  Does he fall asleep easily?  Do he fight it?   I never know what it will be, but it’s his battle not mine.   I just leave him to it.

However, there usually is one moment of every day when I am holding this child, who is in the midst of his sleep struggle. 

He will be arching his back, and crying - typically screaming in my ear.  He becomes stiff as a board.  And since he is now big enough so that if I am sitting down, his feet can stand on my lap, he can force himself into an upright, angry, locked position.  This makes him eye to eye with me, while he is expressing his frustration.   I can no longer cradle him over my shoulder like a newborn.  He’s too strong now.  He can grab my hair and hold on tight with his little fat fist.    Or he can wrap his arms wildly around my head in his attempt to fight off the exhaustion.

However, eventually I can force his little chubby legs to bend.  And I can scoop him out of his stiff position into a calmer one against my chest.   And with some prodding, I can soothe him so that he stops screaming and starts breathing again.   And slowly, ever so slowly, his body will start to relax.   His legs will start to dangle.  His grip will loosen, and his arms will hang around my neck like he’s hugging me.  And his head will start to bob.  

Soon he lays his cheek against my cheek, and his head falls into the crook of my shoulder.   Though his body now feels like 100 pounds instead of 20, he is warm and peaceful.  And he has fallen asleep. 

This is when I get to enjoy my “baby time”.   

He’s getting older, and moving so much now that he rarely wants to snuggle.  I can see that he won’t want to sit on my lap soon.  And he gets bored just having me hold him.  He’s starting to screech, and wants to be a part of things… and that usually marks the end of those stolen baby moments.    

I love those moments.   I hope they last a little while longer.  I am not ready to give them up yet.