2009…

2004 was the year parenthood
2005 was the year of pregnancy
2006 was the year of the family of four
2007 was deemed the Year of the Girlfriend 

and 2008?  

Well, 2008 was the year of chaos.   We got pregnant, again.  We ‘decided’ to move.  Nathan had a bike accident and surgery.   The new house became the money pit.  We gave birth to our 3rd son.  And overall,  the rest of the year was a big blur.  I made a slew of resolutions which I didn’t keep.

And now for 2009.

What in the world do I see for 2009?  Honestly, I have no idea.  I didn’t even attempt to maintain my yearly tradition of making resolutions.   What is the point?  I didn’t keep any from 2008, so I can reuse the whole list over again.   

Frankly I want 2009 to be the year I find a hobby, ANY hobby.  And somehow I want to find the time to do it this year.  I want 2009 to be the year that I gain perspective, and can finally see the forest for the trees.  I don’t want to get caught up in the silly things that distract me from being a great parent.    I want 2009 to show me where I lost all the self-confidence that I used to have.   When did I start to doubt myself, my abilities, my strengths?  When did I start putting me last, always.  And what happened to my own opinon?  Somehow I seem to be asking everyone else for theirs, and not taking the time to figure out my own.   These are the questions that plagued me at the close of 2008.   I don’t feel that I accomplished what I set out to do.   I am disappointed.  Disappointed in myself.

But, if I look at the list above, I also have to look at the ‘forest’.  It was a BIG year.  Lots of life changes (good and bad) all squished into 365 days.   There was so much going on, that most of the time we were just in survival mode.  There was no room for resolutions.  And frankly, with three kids now, we are still deep in the trenches.  Luckily, with the chaos of a new baby also comes so many happy beautiful moments.  These are the moments that can keep me going on the days I am running on empty.

I guess really what it comes down to is that 2009 needs to be the year of more sleep.  A slower pace, bigger breaths, and more sleep.

That is all I really need.   If I can accomplish that, the rest of this will all fall into place.  I am sure of it.