The other day I got an invite from a friend to attend a Girl Party .
You can check out what that meant by reading my post at Silicon Valley Mom’s Blog.
Let’s just say that my new friends are a lot more risque than my old friends! The post is entitled Not your average Mom’s Night Out.
I have been wrestling with whether to keep writing my blog this month. Not because I don’t like it. I do. Unfortunately, I just can’t find the time. I am focusing on other goals, and can’t do it all. Blogging has taken a backseat for awhile… and most likely it will continue to be a sporadic love affair vs. my past daily love affair.
However, today on Baby Bunching, they asked about your best or worst breastfeeding experience. And it reminded me of the following story. This story I sent to my family shortly after Justin was born. I was struggling with the ins & outs of baby bunching… and my struggle ended up to be highly entertaining to all who surrounded me at the park (and my family who read it later). And from then on, I didn’t email my stories… I blogged them.
Here is the one that kicked it off in Dec of 2005 - Andrew was under 1.5, Justin was a month old:
I had decided we needed to try to get out of the house since Andrew was wired up. My girlfriend was coming over the next day to exchange Christmas gifts for our kids… and I still hadn’t managed to get her child a gift. So I loaded the boys up and off we went to Toys R Us.
When we got there, Andrew decided he didn’t like the new double stroller & proceeded to try to escape from the strapped in harness & howl at the top of his lungs the whole time. Needless to say, the trip was as fast as I could go (considering holiday lines at the store) and I was majorly embarrassed as my son grabbed hold of the plastic bags at the check out line and proceed to rip them off one by one & throw them on the floor.
Then I decided, we need to get his energy out… so we should go to the park. I knew Justin would need to eat, and Andrew would like the sand. So my thought was that he would play in the sand, while I fed Justin.
When we arrived at the park, I got his toys out of the car and got them in the stroller.. and again there was a fit about the stroller. He wouldn’t get in it. He threw a tantrum in the parking lot, but it was too late to turn back now. I kept muttering… just get him to the sand & it will be fine. So I pretty much corralled him like a herd of cats to the sandbox, dumped his toys, got him shoveling… and sat down to feed Justin. I was appropriately discreet with the blanket over my shoulder & Justin hidden with the boobs.
That was when Andrew decided that he was going to take off. There I was, struggling to get up with my baby attached to the boob, so that I could run after my other child. He headed straight to the steps up to the slide which he hadn’t mastered yet. So I said “No Andrew!” Of course he acted as if he was stone deaf. After he got up 3 steps & my repeated no’s were hitting him like a brick-wall… I was forced to grab him with my one free hand. Picture Justin, attached to the boob in one arm, and Andrew screaming like a banshee in the other. Frankly this scenario was repeated 4 times before I literally had to sit on the stairs of the slide & block Andrew & every other child in the park from using the slide. At this point I wondered… how can I ditch Justin to stop Andrew? Well, I couldn’t. So I just had to keep him attached to the boob because where was I going to leave him … on a park bench? Of course not… so I trudged after my horrible child of 1.5 to follow him to yet another destination.
This time he was taking off over the grassy knoll, away from the park, towards the street. So I ran after him, trying to grab his hand and drag him back to the sandbox. You know this is impossible. because who can get a toddler to turn around when you don’t have the use of both of your hands. Clearly I was losing the battle. So I just let him go & directed him to the grass. Which by the way was no grass… just a semblance of grass growing in a half foot of mud. Thankfully, I had diverted him from on-coming traffic when he finally decided to head back to the middle of the park.
At this point the wind was blowing the blanket off my shoulder. I hadn’t been discreet about Justin on my boob for 10 minutes now. I looked like a wreck running after my toddler with the baby on the boob…. but did I have a choice? Justin at this point was not even really eating. He was sucking on my boob in a way that I knew was going to create blisters. I tried to detach him, but what was the point, he just rooted around until he could find a millimeter of my breast and started sucking again. So I let him have at it.
When I got Andrew back to the sandbox, he proceeded to start stealing kids toys. So I had to go around apologizing with my half-dressed body and two children. I was sweating at this point and surely looked like I had the worst day of my life. I started looking around and I SWEAR that people were laughing at me. It’s like the dream when you imagine you are naked and everyone is looking. Well in this one, I was half-naked, with two kids who clearly hadn’t learned to mind their manners yet. Much worse.
By the time Andrew settled down playing with a girl in the sandbox, and finally Justin decided that feeding on the move was for the birds… so he refused to eat any more. There went one feed. Then he pooped. I knew I needed to change him… but Andrew started running after a squirrel (which I believe was about to attack him because he was tired of my child harassing him). So I saved the squirrel, changed my kid’s diaper, watched Andrew harass yet another child, and then decided that I couldn’t take it anymore … we were going home. I threw Justin in the carseat. Grabbed Andrew and threw him in his ‘favorite’ place … the double stroller. And hauled my exhausted butt back to the car where I swear I could have curled up & slept the rest of the week away.
And just to top it off… in the middle of this scenario a lady wanted to talk to me about how she was trying to have a second child and how great it would be…..
In my head I just screamed, “HONESTLY LADY HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING ME FOR THE PAST 45 MINUTES?” I just looked at her and said, “today is not the day that I would be a good source of encouragement on that topic.”
Everyday is a battle for Ryan. Does he fall asleep easily? Do he fight it? I never know what it will be, but it’s his battle not mine. I just leave him to it.
However, there usually is one moment of every day when I am holding this child, who is in the midst of his sleep struggle.
He will be arching his back, and crying - typically screaming in my ear. He becomes stiff as a board. And since he is now big enough so that if I am sitting down, his feet can stand on my lap, he can force himself into an upright, angry, locked position. This makes him eye to eye with me, while he is expressing his frustration. I can no longer cradle him over my shoulder like a newborn. He’s too strong now. He can grab my hair and hold on tight with his little fat fist. Or he can wrap his arms wildly around my head in his attempt to fight off the exhaustion.
However, eventually I can force his little chubby legs to bend. And I can scoop him out of his stiff position into a calmer one against my chest. And with some prodding, I can soothe him so that he stops screaming and starts breathing again. And slowly, ever so slowly, his body will start to relax. His legs will start to dangle. His grip will loosen, and his arms will hang around my neck like he’s hugging me. And his head will start to bob.
Soon he lays his cheek against my cheek, and his head falls into the crook of my shoulder. Though his body now feels like 100 pounds instead of 20, he is warm and peaceful. And he has fallen asleep.
This is when I get to enjoy my “baby time”.
He’s getting older, and moving so much now that he rarely wants to snuggle. I can see that he won’t want to sit on my lap soon. And he gets bored just having me hold him. He’s starting to screech, and wants to be a part of things… and that usually marks the end of those stolen baby moments.
I love those moments. I hope they last a little while longer. I am not ready to give them up yet.
Many of my things seem to be disappearing these days. They just up & walk away. I know that one of my munchkins have taken them, but I am not sure which one. I can safely rule out Ryan, but of the two bigger boys… they are quick to deny knowing anything about ’said’ object.
Tonight while they were in the bathtub I scurried around the house to pick up.
Here is what I found under Hiding Place #1 (the secret drawer under their bed):
Then I moved downstairs and started organizing Hiding Place #2 (the toy closet).
This is about the time I wanted to call the cops to come and pick up the little thieves that live underneath my roof. I found:
I think I am going to start hiding their stuff and see how they like it.
Wait. I already know how that will turn out.
They won’t be able to find it and inevitably will ask me to find it for them.
How does he do this?
Seriously, it’s creeping me out! I have been trying all morning to get my leg even half way into that position.
2004 was the year parenthood
2005 was the year of pregnancy
2006 was the year of the family of four
2007 was deemed the Year of the Girlfriend
and 2008?
Well, 2008 was the year of chaos. We got pregnant, again. We ‘decided’ to move. Nathan had a bike accident and surgery. The new house became the money pit. We gave birth to our 3rd son. And overall, the rest of the year was a big blur. I made a slew of resolutions which I didn’t keep.
And now for 2009.
What in the world do I see for 2009? Honestly, I have no idea. I didn’t even attempt to maintain my yearly tradition of making resolutions. What is the point? I didn’t keep any from 2008, so I can reuse the whole list over again.
Frankly I want 2009 to be the year I find a hobby, ANY hobby. And somehow I want to find the time to do it this year. I want 2009 to be the year that I gain perspective, and can finally see the forest for the trees. I don’t want to get caught up in the silly things that distract me from being a great parent. I want 2009 to show me where I lost all the self-confidence that I used to have. When did I start to doubt myself, my abilities, my strengths? When did I start putting me last, always. And what happened to my own opinon? Somehow I seem to be asking everyone else for theirs, and not taking the time to figure out my own. These are the questions that plagued me at the close of 2008. I don’t feel that I accomplished what I set out to do. I am disappointed. Disappointed in myself.
But, if I look at the list above, I also have to look at the ‘forest’. It was a BIG year. Lots of life changes (good and bad) all squished into 365 days. There was so much going on, that most of the time we were just in survival mode. There was no room for resolutions. And frankly, with three kids now, we are still deep in the trenches. Luckily, with the chaos of a new baby also comes so many happy beautiful moments. These are the moments that can keep me going on the days I am running on empty.
I guess really what it comes down to is that 2009 needs to be the year of more sleep. A slower pace, bigger breaths, and more sleep.
That is all I really need. If I can accomplish that, the rest of this will all fall into place. I am sure of it.
My girlfriend just sent me an email asking how the things on the home-front were. Particularly she was asking about Ryan’s sleep… and thus my sleep.
I think you can assume by my month long blog silence that things have been a bit busy, and I don’t just mean the holidays.
Here was my response:
“There has been a little more sleep and a LOT more germs.
Apparently, ‘Tis the season to be sickly.
Fa la la la la laa laaa la laaaaaaaaaJustin is on his third straight round of antibiotics because nothing will work on his ear infection, turned sinus infection, and now turned back into ear infection.
Ryan just got over a ear infection. And at the same time, two teeth popped out. But now has some nasty rash that is bright red and involves blisters.
Andrew seems to have escaped most everything other than this disgusting runny nose that won’t quit.
And that headache that I have been having for a month straight? Well, that was a sinus infection.
Seriously I am going into Quicken and I am going to do a search on “copay”
(pause)
I have been to the Doctor’s office 10 times. Count them 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. TEN. T.E.N times in the last 3 months.
FIFTEEN times if you go back 5 months.
So pretty much EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK. since late October, we have been at the pediatricians.
Dude… my kids are now pretending to be Dr. Contini.
No I am not joking.”
There you have it. That is what has been going on over here. I spend more time with my kids pediatrician these days than I do my husband. Frankly, I am embarrassed now to even be seen in his office. I am sure he thinks I have a crush on him…. I mean, seriously, who has to go to the dr’s office that many times? Uh, apparently, we do.
Do you ever feel a bit let down after the holidays?
Not because the holidays weren’t great. Mostly because they were awesome, and now it’s back to reality.
The following is a post I did at Silicon Valley Mom’s Blog yesterday:
Were we robbed?
The holidays tend to bring extra mail delivered, holiday cards on the table, gifts under the tree, lots of food in the fridge, candies and cookies on the counter, and decorations all over the place. My sister once claimed that our house looked like Santa barfed all over it. I prefer to think of our holiday decor as sentimental decorations, often lovingly made by family members, placed everywhere the eye can see. It feels like home to be surrounded by such wonderful memories and beautiful things given by people that we love.
Our tradition is that the weekend after New Year’s we take down all our holiday cheer, and put it away for next year. This is no small undertaking, and usually involves a weekend’s worth of work (as well as about 20 boxes). And while some people breathe a huge sigh of relief to have the holidays over and done with, looking forward to ‘normal’ routines resuming, somehow I feel a little lost in the aftermath of it all.
All week I have walked around our house feeling like something was missing. Did I lose something? Why is this wall empty? What used to be on this console? Were our kitchen counters always this clear? Frankly, the house looks barren. There are still nails up on walls where no pictures are hanging… sort of like someone came in and stole them right off the walls.
Don’t get me wrong, our house isn’t a box with white walls. I would say that our normal decor could be described as ’simple and elegant’. It’s clean. It’s efficient. Our furniture is not cheap, but it’s also not untouchable or super fancy … it’s functional and stylish. And there is definitely not much clutter. This is probably why the holidays feel like so much, because it’s the one time of the year when we have stuff everywhere. But that just makes taking it down all the more obvious; it makes my otherwise clean and efficient home look stark and cold. I keep wandering around thinking about what we could add to make it feel warmer.
It definitely doesn’t help that the house is now so quiet also. Believe me, I like a little silence as much as the next mother. And between you and me, my three boys are way too noisy for most people’s taste. However, with preschool starting this week, I actually was lonely without everyone around. There were no grandparents or great-grandparents casually dropping by to say hello and have a cup of tea. Auntie Katie’s vacation was over, so there weren’t plans being made and phone calls to check-in. Daddy went back to work leaving no more projects around the house that involved power tools or Home Depot trips. It was just me and the boys. In fact, sometimes it was just me and the boy … because the two bigger kids went to preschool for part of the week.
I have to admit that this week has made me a bit sad. I was definitely ready for the frantic pace of the holiday season to stop. However, I didn’t expect there to be a gaping hole where the holidays once were. This might be nature’s way of telling me it’s time to wipe the slate clean for 2009. Time to decorate the year a new way, make new noise to fill my days, start fresh with white walls. I guess I had better get started… but like my three year old said to me today, “I can’t wait until Christmas comes again.”
And he’s bringing some major attitude this year.
Andrew is too busy distracting Ryan to notice.
Ryan is too busy drooling all over himself to notice.
And Justin is too busy posing with his candy cane to notice.
But apparently Santa seems like he might be a bit cranky. What do you think?
We might need to bust out the hard stuff and spike his milk tonight. He clearly needs to take the edge off.
With three kids, the holidays are a ‘bit’ different than they were a few years ago.
They are much much BETTER!
But with the economy tanking, it has changed things a bit too.
Today, you can find what I wrote over at the Silicon Valley Mom’s Blog. My post is entitled: Through a Child’s Eyes
